


The Loser

by ArtistiqueReader12



Category: Free!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Introspection, M/M, Makoharu is the main ship, Memories, Romance, Slice of Life, The Author Regrets Nothing, The one-shot which turned out to be too long to be considered a one-shot, a lot of it too, lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtistiqueReader12/pseuds/ArtistiqueReader12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And that’s how he saw the thief running away with what was his, except Makoto wasn’t a thief, not even close to it, he had just been able to treasure what Rin could not; and Haruka was by no means his, hadn’t been for a long time now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bells could be heard from two blocks away announcing the beginning, flowers could be seen from the corner of the street and cars lined the front, back and sides of where a ceremony was taking place.

It didn’t matter if you weren’t invited or if you were just walking by, you could tell by the warmth and giddiness that ran freely in the atmosphere that a wedding starting. Love and happiness were some of the emotions you could practically see coating the surroundings, as if at any moment you would fly away from the lightness of it all.

If only Rin could actually feel any of that as he walked by, it would’ve been great.

But as usual, he didn’t feel anything besides bitterness, regret, anger and a sadness that ran deeper than anything else.

He had been foolish, selfish, naïve… every time he remembered what had happened, what he had lost because of his absolute stupidity, he wanted nothing more but to punch himself in the face and then cry until he fell asleep.

But he couldn’t do that, he had done enough crying that was worth at least four lifetimes and the punching part, well… someone else had taken care of that a long time ago.

Rin made his way towards the benches that were in the park in front of the little church. He knew the ceremony would take at least an hour or so before it ended, so he had more than enough time to drown himself in memories of the past.

With a sigh he closed his eyes and went back a few years when everything had been fine, when he had had everything he wanted and finally…finally he was living his dream with the one he had always loved…

 

 

_It had been a Friday afternoon, training had been particularly rough that day and Rin felt as if he would collapse any moment now. The only thing that kept him walking forward was the thought that once he got home, he would be staring into beautiful blue eyes and would be enveloped in slender arms._

_A smile found its way to his face. Ever since he had confessed to Haruka, his Haru, and he had returned his feeling with a heated kiss, Rin couldn’t have been happier._

_His friends had been excited and supportive of them when they had shown up at practice holding hands and with slight blushes._

_At the time, Rin could have sworn he had seen hurt flashing through Makoto’s forest green eyes and Nagisa sending Makoto a worried glance, but it had disappeared a second later and before he knew it, everyone was congratulating them and telling them it had been about time._

_Rin hadn’t thought much about Makoto or Nagisa’s suspicious stare, he had been blinded by his own happiness._

_Of course his excitement had only grown once he had gotten the scholarship to the university he had been aiming for and Haruka had accepted to live with him in Tokyo._

_Once they had finished high school, one week later to be precise, Haruka and he moved to a medium size apartment in the heart of Japan._

_He sometimes missed Iwatobi. The gentle breeze and the light smell of the ocean that was anywhere you went._

_Snapping out of his daydream, Rin had found himself in front of his apartment’s door. Fumbling with the keys, he was about to open the door when it suddenly opened and he found his arms full of Haruka._

_He dropped the keys, his bag and whatever else he had been carrying and slid his arms around Haruka’s body, burying his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in._

_“Welcome home.” Came Haruka’s soft greeting, and as he felt Haruka nuzzling his chest, he felt as if he really was home, because as much as he might miss his little town near the coast, Haruka would always be the person he would come back to._

_“I’m home.”_

_And his words couldn’t have been more sincere._

Rin smiled sweetly at the memory, that first year in Tokyo had been the most special of his life yet.

He frowned, scratch that, it had been the most special and happy year of his life, period. 

If only he had treasured what he had had, if only they could have stayed like that forever, if only his own selfish desires hadn’t clouded his mind to what was really important.

If only he hadn’t neglected what was to be his number one priority, if only he hadn’t been so self-absorbed maybe things could have ended up differently, but he had been playing a game and he had been forced to make a choice. Well actually, he had forced himself to make a decision.

And if life was really a game, he had made the wrong move. One that would cost him everything.

Rin felt that familiar pang on his chest, just above his heart, and with a sour taste in his mouth, he remembered.

He remembered when everything started going downhill.

 

 

 

_Rin’s distaste could be felt and even seen from a mile away, he clenched and unclenched his fists and tried to control his breathing by counting in his head._

_It wasn’t working._

_Why couldn’t he beat Haruka? He had trained harder, spent more time practicing not only at the pool but also at the gym to build muscle, he had a balanced diet and slept the 8 hours he had to in order to be at top condition._

_So, why?_

_Rin raked his hands through his hair in a vain attempt to calm down. His hands were shaking, his breathing was even more irregular than before and he was sure his face was contorted in anger._

_He paced up and down the changing rooms. He couldn’t place together two coherent thoughts. His mood was getting worse and worse as the minutes went by and the only thing he wanted was to go back to his hotel room and sleep for eternity._

_Just thinking about not thinking made him relax a little, he sat on bench that was in the middle of the room and buried his face in his hands._

_When he was finally able to calm down, he heard him._

_“Rin?” Haruka’s voiced asked, concern lacing his tone. “Are you okay?”_

_Rin immediately tensed._

_Ever so slowly, he took his hands away from his face and looked up. There, standing in front of him, with his body still dripping from the race, was Haruka._

_He was regarding Rin with a little frown he had come to classify as ‘Haruka’s concerned face’. Dear Lord, it had taken him so long to decipher the difference between all of Haruka’s faces, how had Makoto been able to memorize and identify every single one of them?_

_Banishing all thoughts of Makoto – who had nothing to do with this-, he focused on the person standing a few meters away._

_Rin didn’t scream nor did he loose his cool. He had thought that when he saw Haruka, he would turn this situation into a rampage, but he actually felt calm, as if he wasn’t himself, as if he was a third person looking at everything through thick glass. He knew he was in control of his body but he didn’t feel as if any of the commands he gave it were his own._

_He regarded Haruka with indifference, and this only made the black haired man frown harder._

_“What’s wrong?” Haruka asked, and he looked so innocent, as if he was actually concerned about him._

_Rin bursted out laughing, he laughed until tears formed in his eyes and his stomach hurt._

_Haruka had looked so serious, so actually genuine that he just couldn’t believe how far he was taking this little act._

_Suddenly, he stopped laughing and looked at Haruka with stony eyes. “What’s wrong? Are you really going to ask me that?”_

_He scrunched up his face in a way that made Rin doubt himself for a second and to want nothing more but to gather Haruka in his arms. And he almost did._

_Almost._

_Rin had always had a soft spot for Haruka, but he wouldn’t give in. Not now, not today._

_“How much nerve must you have to come here and ask me ‘what’s wrong?’ with that fake little expression as if you actually care?” Rin spat the words at Haruka. “How much of a self-absorbed and narcissistic person could you be to come and say something like that to me?”_

_Shit, this was bad. He was getting upset again, but he couldn’t control his temper and this was just the tip of the iceberg. He could feel it._

_“Fake? Narcissistic? Rin, what are you talking about?” Haruka was looking at him with an incredulous face._

_Rin wanted to laugh again. So this guy had the guts to look surprised._

_“Don’t you think this is taking things a little too far? Why can’t you just admit that you just can’t bear the idea of losing to me? Why must you try and monopolize all of the attention, huh?”_

_Rin knew that what he was saying and how he was acting was irrational and childish, but he was past the point of caring._

_“Monopolize the attention? Rin, are you even listening to yourself? You know I hate attention more than anything, and losing? Last time I checked I had won.” Haruka said with his standard voice._

_It didn’t matter that he hadn’t said it with any kind of malice or venom or that he had talked more than two sentences, because all Rin heard was:_

_‘I won.’_

_He didn’t answer and Haruka must have thought that it meant that the subject was being dropped. He started walking towards the showers but as soon as he was close enough, Rin reached out a hand and grabbed his wrist._

_Haruka’s whole posture changed in the span of a nanosecond, his shoulders tensed and his body went rigid. The aura surrounding them felt heavy and charged with electricity, but not the good kind._

_“Rin,” Haruka said slowly. “What are you doing?”_

_Rin only tightened his hand around his wrist and leaned in to whisper in his ear._

_“Now listen and listen carefully.” Rin said in a low, menacing tone making Haruka shiver. From cold, fear or simple contained anger? Rin didn’t know and didn’t care. “You’re going to stop being such an attention whore and yo—”_

_“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Haruka was starting to protest but Rin quickly silenced him by applying more pressure to his wrist and yanking his head back by pulling his hair._

_Haruka let out a little pained sound and as morbid as it might have seemed, it made Rin feel good. “Shh, shhh...” Rin said in a fake calming tone. “Everything’s okay, you’ll be okay. All you have to do is listen to me and behave, are we clear?”_

_Rin waited until Haruka gave a stiff nod but didn’t let go of him, instead he took both of his wrist with one hand while still having a pretty good hold of his dark locks. He hadn’t taken much pride in going to the gym and getting stronger, but in that moment he hadn’t been happier that he had decided to go._

_“As I was saying, you’re going to stop being such an attention whore.” Haruka started to protest but Rin gave a hard pull to his hair, efficiently silencing him. “What did I say? You have to behave. Anyways, you won’t monopolize everyone’s attention, but you will make all of those pretty little reporters to actually look my way, okay?”_

_He then waited again until he got a slight nod of Haruka’s head._

_“Good, and second. You will stop running.” To anyone, it might have been a silly order, but they didn’t know how much Haruka liked to run. He said it helped him clear his mind and think rationally, almost like swimming but with running he felt more grounded._

_“No.” Haruka answered immediately and with a tone of finality._

_Rin didn’t like his answer at all. He knew that part of what made Haruka an amazing swimmer was the strength he had on his legs. And why was that? Because he ran almost every day, he had strengthen his legs muscles incredibly and now his kick when getting to other side of the pool was even more powerful than Rin’s._

_If Haru thought Rin didn’t know why he had been doing it, then he had another thing coming._

_Tilting Haruka’s hair even more and pulling at the strands with almost brute force, Rin hissed against his ear “You will do as I tell you, no ‘buts’, no nothing or you will suffer the consequences. Understand?” And as if to really get his point across, he bit Haruka’s neck with his pointy teeth._

_And he bit hard. He was able to feel Haruka’s gasp of pain and him trying to break away._

_Rin smiled smugly and his grip on Haruka’s wrists loosen a little, but it was all Haruka needed to break away and slam his elbow against his chest._

_The air was knocked out of him and Rin fell to his knees, head bowed._

_He could hear Haruka’s labored breathing and then he spoke._

_“Go fuck yourself Rin.” And with that, Haruka took his bag and sprinted out of the locker room._

Rin came to the present once again and checked his clock.

**4:15 PM**

He couldn’t believe it had been roughly 10 minutes since he arrived to the park and started dwelling in the past.

He looked up at the sky trying to keep his tears at bay.

That had been their first fight. Well, their first real fight. Rin had then gotten to the hotel only to be surprised that Haruka had checked out and gone somewhere else.

He had felt so bad and so stupid he had bought mackerel supplies to last for a month and two bouquets of white lilies. Haruka’s favorites.

Of course, Haruka didn’t want to forgive him at first, but after practically begging on his knees while he apologized and promised it would never happen again and that it had all been due to post-stress, he had finally forgiven Rin. He had even apologized to Rin for hitting him.  

But just like Rin had thought back in the changing rooms, THAT had been just the tip of the iceberg. The warning that something bigger and worse was coming.

They had been playing a normal game up until that point, they were at the starting point but as time slowly went by, they started nearing the plot, the important part and if only Rin had realized then that he wasn’t as good of a player as he thought he was, maybe he could’ve done something, maybe he wouldn’t have reacted too late.

However… what was a game without obstacles? Where was the fun in that? Why make things easy when you can twist every rule, every perspective until you don’t know what you’re doing or where you’re going anymore?

Games were like that, they unexpectedly changed and as they progress you see the true nature of the players and what Rin had found out about himself… well, let’s just say it hadn't been pretty.

With that last thought in mind, he submerged himself once again into another memory; one that brought shivers to his spine and made his stomach turn as he now saw in on it trying to make some sense of his actions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But every single one of his plans had gone downhill and into the drain when he had seen that Haruka wasn’t alone.
> 
> And that’s when Rin realized that it was late… much too late…

_Hearing the door knob turn as he sat in the living room of their small apartment, Rin raised his eyes to meet Haru’s blue eyes as he entered the door still sweaty and trying to even his breathing; Haru cocked his head to the side and was about to say hello when Rin abruptly interrupted._

_“Where were you?” Rin said barely containing his anger. He was able to see Haruka tense slightly, but other than that there was nothing more that betrayed his stoic façade._

_It didn’t matter, because all Rin needed to know was that Haru was about to lie to him._

_“Running.” Came Haruka’s curt reply, and if it hadn’t been because Rin had seen him then he would’ve probably believed him._

_After all, he had his running attire on and sweat glistened on his forehead and neck. But he knew better than to fall into his little trap._

_“Okay, let me rephrase that. Who were you with?” Rin asked in a calm voice, but anyone who heard him could easily identify the anger and jealousy behind his voice._

_Haruka paused at that and slowly turned around. He studied Rin’s face and then with a blank stare and monotone voice he said. “Makoto.”_

_Rin regarded him with disappointment, as if he truly was sorry and pitied Haruka for his foolish actions._

_He took a step forward in Haruka’s direction and took hold of one side of his hips with unnecessary force, where he knew were fresh bruises._

_Rin took pleasure, once again as he had done many times before, in his pained expression, in how his face let the stoic mask fall in favor of showing what he was truly feeling._

_He dug his fingers harder into Haruka’s skin and then took another step so that he was face to face with him. Rin then placed a hand in his jaw and pressed with and iron grip so that Haruka couldn’t look away from him._

_“How many times have I told you that I don’t want you to go near that bastard?” Rin saw as anger flashed through those blue orbs as he said that last word._

_Lately, it took more and more to get a reaction out of Haruka and more often than not, the emotions he saw in those beautiful blue eyes were something in between anger and hate._

_It didn’t matter, it really didn’t matter at all. As long as Rin could get him to react in some way, it was fine. As long as he could leave a burning mark in Haruka’s mind, then it would be worth it, because Rin felt as if he would combust and disappear at any given moment._

_The emotions he felt leaving him as if he was burning, and as time went by, he felt as if he was self-consuming until there would be nothing left of him._

_But he wouldn’t leave without leaving a memento of some kind, even if it was a painful one._

_Rin dug his nails against Haruka’s chin. “How many times must I tell you to stop meeting up with him?”_

_Haruka just regarded him with stony eyes, which only made Rin’s blood boil._

_Promptly letting go of Haruka’s chin, he started leading the blue eyed man towards their room._

_Immediately, he started to trash and pull and turn in an attempt to make the red-head let go of him. Rin just shoot him a glance over his shoulder and gave him a petulant smile._

_“Maybe this way you’ll learn.” He said as his iron-grip in Haruka’s arm tighten further, if that was even possible._

_Just as they were going through their bedroom door, Haruka took the handle and slammed the door against Rin’s arm._

_Rin let out a painful cry as he felt his wrist being twisted, he swiftly let go of Haruka and made his other hand nestle against his injured wrist._

_He just heard as Haruka ran full-speed towards the front door and didn’t even bother to close it._

_Ignoring his throbbing wrist, Rin stood up and went after him, but by the time he was out the door – not bothering to put some shoes on -, Haruka was already at the end of the street and when he was at the feet of the stairs, there was nothing more but the breeze left by Haruka’s sprint._

_Letting out a sigh, Rin went back to their apartment and waited for Haruka to return…_

_He didn’t._

Rin felt tears breaming in his eyes and turned his face up to blink them away.

After that had happen, Rin hadn’t seen Haruka for more than three months. He had looked everywhere, but after three weeks of searching and finding nothing, he kind of gave up.

That was one of the things he regretted the most. He hadn’t completely retired from the game, he had just taken a break after concluding he wouldn’t be seeing Haruka any time soon.

He looked for help, because after not seeing Haruka for so long, he realized there was no one else to blame nor there was any excuse that would be valid for what he had done.

After all, he had been banished from swimming because of his broken wrist and wouldn’t be getting near a pool for the next two months.

He made a new start, Gou had been an angel sent from the heavens. At first she had been angry and disappointed in him and Rin couldn’t blame her, but even then, she had helped him.

He went to groups of people who were just like him, because even if he had wanted to quit after the first fifteen minutes, he would do it for him, for Haru.

And also because Gou wouldn’t let him abandon it so easily.

So when he finally saw Haru after almost four months, Rin’s chest had filled with hope and excitement at the prospect of sharing everything with him again.

Rin had made a plan and he was more than prepared to beg on his knees with his hands on the floor and kiss Haruka’s feet if that’s what it took to make him forgive him. He even had a little velvet black box with a simple gold band resting inside of it to assure Haruka that he was serious, that he was truly sorry and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him even if it meant Rin would spend every day making it up to him.

But every single one of his plans had gone downhill and into the drain when he had seen that Haruka wasn’t alone.

And that’s when Rin realized that it was late… much too late…

_Rin had been filling in a form for a missing person in the online police page when he had heard a light knock on his door._

_Frowning lightly, he made his way towards the entrance and asked who it was._

_When he received no answer, he started making his way back towards the living room and again, a soft knock was heard. Losing his patience, not that it was his better treat, he yanked open the door._

_“Okay, who the hell are you and why a...” Rin was left stunned when his ruby eyes met sapphire blue._

_He couldn’t… he didn’t… was this really Haru? He had imagined how they would reunite for the past four months or so, but never in his wildest imaginations had he thought Haruka would come back to him._

_“Haru!” His face broke out into a grin and he wrapped his arms around Haruka’s shorter frame. Rin hugged him tight for several moments until he noticed something wasn’t quite right._

_Haruka wasn’t hugging him back._

_What was more, he was stiff and his arms had remained firmly pressed against his sides. Slowly letting him go, Rin looked at him with a confused expression._

_“Haru?” He had asked, confusion written all over his face and that’s when he noticed._

_He noticed Haruka’s eyes._

_He was looking ahead of him, not like if he wanted to see past Rin, no, it was as if he was seeing through him. Like if Rin wasn’t even standing there. He had a broken and empty look on his face as if the life had been sucked out of him. Those blue eyes he had come to love so much were those of a dead person, a walking corpse._

_Rin started to panic._

_He took hold of Haruka’s shoulders and started shaking him. “Haru? Haruka, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do yo—” His sentence was cut short when he felt a big, warm hand being placed on his shoulder and making him stop shaking Haruka._

_“Stop.” A voice commanded him. He had heard that voice before, but there was something wrong about it._

_The last time Rin had heard it, it had been gentle, calming and even sweet. This voice… it was nothing like that one, but at the same time it was. One thing that made it different were the emotions behind it. Barely contained anger, firmness, determination and something else that let Rin know the even thought he had the patience of saint, this person was at the brink of snapping._

_Ever so slowly, Rin looked to the side to the hand that rested lightly, but firmly, on his shoulder. He took his time while he made his way towards this person’s face, he noted tanned hands and a black jacket and he also saw the firm lines of a face that was no longer of the gentle and carefree teenager this person once was. Finally their eyes met and Rin couldn’t help but gasp…_

_Makoto._

_It was definitely him. Same sandy brown hair, same features, same height. Everything was the same, except for the eyes._

_While Haruka’s eyes had been dead, Makoto’s were swirling with emotion. Not hate, Makoto wasn’t a creature that could get to feel something like that, but a deep anger and even then, Rin knew it wasn’t Makoto’s feelings he saw reflected in his forest green eyes, but Haruka’s._

_Makoto had always been Haruka’s translator. While Haruka had remained a blank face, Makoto had always shown what he was feeling, almost as if he reflected Haruka’s inner thoughts and feelings and let everyone understand without having to tell them himself._

_They had always been two halves of each other and now was no different, because now that Haruka seemed to possess no emotions at all, Makoto seemed to harbor the feelings for them both._

_All of this went through Rin’s head in an instant and when he turned to look at Haru, he discovered that he wasn’t looking at him but at Makoto._

_And that’s when he knew._

_Because while his eyes had been dead when seeing Rin, they were now filled with so much emotion. Even more if you combined all the times he had succeeded at breaking a little of Haruka’s stoic demeanor_

_Makoto was looking straight back at Haruka, although he never let go of Rin’s shoulder, and then sighed and said. “I’ll be out here.” He looked away and turned to look at Rin. “Scream if you need me.” And just the way he said it, combined with the intensity of his glare, made Rin shudder and let go of Haruka completely._

_Giving a single nod and directing one last meaningful look in Makoto’s direction, Haruka looked at Rin once again._

_He thought he would have a little peek of the emotions Haruka had showed Makoto, but in the second it took to look from him to Rin, Haruka’s mask had slipped back into place and all Rin could see was an emotionless face._

_Walking past Rin, Haruka made his way into the little apartment. Doubting for a second whether he should follow or stay there, he opted for the first and closed the door before following him._

_He had nothing against Makoto, all of the jealousy and envy he had once felt towards him had vanished, and besides this had nothing to do with him. Even if he had ended up tangled in Rin’s and Haruka’s messed up relationship, this was theirs to solve, not Makoto’s and not anyone else’s._

_Hearing the sound of a zipper slipping open, Rin went directly towards his room._

_No… their room._

_Stepping inside he saw Haruka taking out of the drawers and the closet all of his stuff. Clothes, swimsuits, some books and other little things which Rin didn’t pay attention to._

_“What are you doing?” Rin felt stupid for asking, but he couldn’t do anything else. He felt as if he was rooted in place._

_Haruka stopped for half a second and just threw him a glance, and even if Rin wasn’t some ‘Haruka expert’ like Makoto, he could read the rhetoric questions clearly. ‘What does it look like I’m doing?’ That was what he found in Haruka’s eyes._

_After that, Rin said nothing. He just dedicated himself to stare at Haruka and every little movement he did._

_Once all of Haruka’s things were inside a big suitcase, one he had bought in one of their trips to Australia, he took out a little bag and started emptying his little nightstand._

_Rin didn’t stop him, even if he knew what he would find once he reached the left corner at the bottom of the drawer._

_No sooner had the thought formed in his mind did Haruka found the little box._

_He left the little bag on top of the bed and took the little black, velvet box in his hands._

_Rin stopped breathing as Haruka opened the lid._

_Inside laid the little ring Rin had bought for him, he didn’t know how much he was hoping that once Haruka saw it he would forgive him and come back. But all of his hopes flew out the window when he noticed that Haruka’s eyes didn’t change at all… still… emotionless… numb…._

_The blue orbs regarded the simple band with a clinical stare and Rin’s heart broke._

_He really hadn’t noticed how much his hopes and dreams laid in that little object, and now, seeing Haruka dismissing it without even batting an eyelash he felt as if his the sky was falling down on top of him and he had to bear its weight on his shoulders._

_Putting the little box back into the drawer, Haruka skimmed for a little longer inside it before he closed it and placed the small bag on top of his clothes and all of his things inside the suitcase and closed the zipper._

_Haruka took the suitcase from the bed and started strolling it away and towards the entrance._

_It was then, when the fact that Haruka was actually leaving became “real”, that Rin reacted._

_Rin practically ran, and when he caught up to Haruka, he grabbed him by the wrist but when he felt Haruka pull away as if he had been electrified, he retreated._

_His breathing was labored and when he saw into Haruka’s deep blue eyes, he found nothing but fear._

_“Wait!” he said louder than he had intended and in reaction Haruka took another step away from him. He cleared his throat before he talked again. “I mean… wait.”_

_Rin’s voice was hesitant and he wasn’t looking at Haruka anymore, in fact he was looking at anything but him. “I just… I just want to… well…” This was bad, he was babbling and he knew it._

_Gathering up all of his courage, Rin told him what he had practiced over a thousand times in the course of this four months. “I know I was an ass, and I know what I did was wrong, and I know I don’t deserve you.” Shit, his voice was thick with emotion and he was just getting started._

_“But I really do love you, I’d do anything for you.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “You’re everything to me, everything I’ve ever wanted and everything I’ve ever needed. When I’m with you, I don’t need anything else because everything else goes into the background in favor of having and making you happy.”_

_He took a deep breath. “I know I fucked up, okay? I know I destroyed what we could’ve had, but even then, even if I know that, I can’t stop myself from wanting you, from wanting you by my side.”_

_It was now or never, he had to say it. “So, if you love me even the fiftieth part of what you once loved me, wouldn’t you consider giving me another chance? I promise I’ve changed, I’ve gotten help and even if I’m not there yet, nothing would make me happier than having you by my side. You’re my light, Haru. You’re what’s always pushed me forward. So would you give this stupid and sorry excuse of a person one more chance? Will you give me the chance to make you happy once again? Will you…” He stopped at that, but he knew he couldn’t back out now. “Would you marry me?” At that last part, Rin did look at Haruka._

_And his heart broke for the second time that day, because even if Haruka hadn’t said it, he could see his answer as plain as day written in his eyes, his face, and his body language._

_“No.”_

_Haruka didn’t so much as blinked when he gave Rin his answer, and as soon as he said it, he turned around and started walking towards the entrance again._

_This time, Rin reacted in record time. In one long stride he reached out to Haru and gripped his arm._

_It was almost comical how fast Haruka turned his head and how his face contorted in something that closely resembled panic._

_“Haruka, Haru…” Rin pleaded in a pathetic tone. “You have to understand. You must understand.” Even if he didn’t realize it, he exerted more pressure in Haruka’s arm as words left his mouth. “I love you, don’t you know I love you? You must KNOW!” By that time, he was practically screaming and spit flew out of his mouth and landed on Haruka’s face. “You’re everything to me, EVERYTHING! Without you I’m nothing, NOTHING!”_

_After that everything went by in a blur._

_One second he was gripping Haruka by the arm and the next his vision was turning white and an incredible pain came from where his jaw was._

_Rin let out a wail as the pain expanded itself all throughout the left side of his face, and even though he couldn’t see it, he knew that it was already starting to swell._

_Taking his hands away from his face, that had come to protect it if another blow came, he was greeted with the sight of an angry Makoto._

_Well, angry was an understatement. He was raging. He was breathing harder than Rin ever remembered him and his face was red from the strain it took him not to punch Rin again._

_The only thing keeping Makoto from punching Rin once again was Haruka, who was gripping him by the elbow in an attempt to appease him._

_Rin could only see as Haruka lifted himself on his tiptoes, and as if on cue, Makoto leaned down to the side a little so he could hear what Haruka had to tell him. Nonetheless, his eyes never left Rin’s._

_Giving a displeased look but taking Haruka’s suitcase, Makoto made his way towards the entrance door, which was wide open, and said without turning around. “I’ll be waiting in the car.” And with that, he left the two of them alone._

_Rin knew better than to try anything like what he had done before, with Haruka’s and Makoto’s freaky connection, the moment he took a step towards Haru, Makoto would probably be on top of Rin and he had the feeling that if that happened, not even Haruka would be able to stop him this time._

_So he stayed there, half sitting and half laying in the floor while he felt his face swell._

_For some really agonizing moments, neither of them said anything and then Haruka started walking, for a moment Rin thought he was leaving, but then he realized he was just going to the kitchen._

_Rin decided to let him be, and waited until he returned. He had expected to see Haruka come back with a plate and brake it over his head so he wouldn’t be able to make any kind of move, but what he hadn’t expected was seeing him come back with a pack of ice in his hands._

_Haruka extended the ice pack towards Rin and signaled his face, and even though the pain on his face was becoming more than uncomfortable, Rin smiled._

_Not a big smile, but a tiny, grateful smile. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long._

_“It’s over.”_

_And he knew Haruka wasn’t referring just to their relationship, he was cutting all and every single tie between them._

_Rin hung his head and didn’t bother to hide his tears. Tear after tear streaked down his cheeks in quick succession, and even if the pain in his face did have to do with it, most were due to the empty feeling that now settled on his chest._

_Because more than Makoto’s punch, more than Haruka’s empty stares, even more than the words themselves, what killed Rin was the tone with which he said it._

_He had said it with such finality, as if he had finally lifted a weight of his shoulders and was finally set free._

_He barely heard the soft ‘Goodbye Rin.’ Haruka muttered._

_This time he didn’t look up to see as he walked out, because this time he wasn’t just walking out of their apartment, he was walking out of Rin’s life._

_And so, Rin sobbed and wept until he felt as if he was dry and when he was finally able to fall asleep, his dreams were full of broken hopes, broken hearts and empty eyes._

Rin came back to reality and present time once again when he felt warmth running down the sides of his face.

He was crying…

He laughed, because it didn’t matter how many times he tried to pretend he was over that memory, it still was the one that hurt the most.

Of course, that had been years ago and the reaction he was having now was nothing compared to those first few months after his definite break up with Haruka.

Rin felt that the year that followed had been a dark one. Not even when he had come back to Iwatobi and then lost to Haruka to declare that he was quitting swimming did he feel like that.

Not even when years later he had been reunited with all of his friends and he had hurt them with his harsh words and arrogant attitude had he felt so broken.

Yeah, it wasn’t something he wanted to go back to.

Because that’s when he realized that the bottom line was that he had lost…Or maybe not lost, but that the game was nearing its end and that he had been left behind by his partner and that he was the one struggling to keep up and not end last, even when he knew the outcome of the game already.

Fumbling his thumbs, feeling the breeze blow upon his face, he simply sat there… consumed in all he had left… his memories… memories which were both mixture of good and bad times… times when he had been whole and when he had been left feeling completely empty… why he was sitting here outside this church was still unclear to him; however, he remained there… unable to leave… unable to stop his brain from thinking, he took a deep breath and found himself searching for some sort of comfort in this dark moment of his life, when suddenly as if without making an effort, the one fact that brought him here struck his mind and he drifted back to the day when it had all been made “real and clear” to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos always make my day ^^ 
> 
> Hope you all have a great week! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were dazzling. They were breathtaking. Haruka and Makoto were simply…
> 
> Perfect.

Lost in his train of thoughts… feeling all emotions as vivid as the day he first felt them, Rin was engulfed and lost into the most recent memory of events he had.

 

 

_It had been a Sunday afternoon, around two o’clock, and Rin was making his way towards a little coffee shop that was just two blocks away from where he lived._

_He was feeling fine, not good because the hole he felt in his chest was ever present, but just good enough to rise up from bed and go buy some sweets and coffee._

_It was cold, but the rays of sun that shone made it a little bit more bearable. Not really in the mood for dying of hypothermia, Rin sped up his pace and within two minutes he was in front of the little shop, pushing the door open and breathing in the scent of coffee._

_He closed his eyes for a second, just letting the musky and strong scent invade his senses, and he relaxed a little as he felt the warmth sipping through his clothes. It was at times like this that he felt as if the aching wasn’t so bad._

_He was slowly opening his eyes when he heard him._

_“Rin?”_

_Rin stilled for a moment, but then his eyes shot open._

_Standing there, with surprise written all over his face, was Makoto. He was dressed in a thick black coat and his neck was adorned by a green scarf that made his eyes pop out, he was wearing your standard blue jeans and he wore some black gloves._

_Rin couldn’t speak, move or do anything. He just found himself in a state of shock, because last time they had seen each other it had been under less cordial circumstances and it handed up with Rin’s face swollen for over a week._

_But that had been two and a half years ago, and now here was Makoto, giving Rin a little, polite smile but that even then you could see his gentle nature slipping through. But that was not what made Rin paralyze, what made him stand there as if he was made out of stone, was the realization that they were back._

_Haru was back._

_Rin had heard from his sister that shortly after everything that had happened, Makoto and Haruka had gone away. To where? No one really knew, well maybe just Nagisa or Rei, but Rin wasn’t going to go and ask them._

_So they were back. Makoto was back. Haruka was back. And where Makoto is, Haruka is close behind._

_Rin was able to snap out of his temporary trance when he realized that, his eyes darted from Makoto and started looking all over the little shop._

_And that’s when Rin saw him._

_At first, he didn’t see Rin, he was on his back most likely ordering for himself and Makoto. From what Rin could see though, he was wearing a blue coat, blue skinny jeans adorned his legs and a white scarf was around his neck, his black locks were a little disheveled, probably because of the wind. Rin’s heart stopped when he turned around._

_He didn’t see Rin, at least not at first._

_Haruka was too preoccupied with smiling at Makoto, a smile that splitted his face in half, as his cheeks flushed and his eyes shone with a light he had never seen in those blue orbs if it wasn’t because he was regarding a body of water of some sort._

_Haruka looked absolutely and completely stunning. He took Rin’s breath away._

_As if sensing Rin’s intense stare, Haruka took his gaze away from Makoto, although reluctantly, and his blue eyes met his fiery red ones._

_Haruka’s pace didn’t falter, although the brightness of his smile diminished until it turned into just a little lifting at the corners of his lips while he maintained eye contact with Rin for a few seconds. His posture was a little stiff, but the little smile was still there and he wasn’t looking at Rin like last time, with those empty and dead eyes._

_For that… Rin was grateful._

_“Mako.” Haruka said as he handed Makoto his drink and flashed him another little, but radiant smile. Rin died a little on the inside when he saw how much love and affection was transmitted with just the utterance of that single word, but it wasn’t just that._

_It was the softness of Haruka’s voice, as if it was the most precious thing that could get out of his lips, as if it that one word contained some sort of big and amazing secret only him and Makoto knew._

_Was it possible to get your heart broken a third time by the same person, even if you weren’t with them anymore and so much time had gone by?_

_Because Rin was sure that the crack he heard from deep within, were the pieces he had been able to mend together being broken once again._

_“Rin, how are you?” The softness and reverence from before had banished, only to leave a polite tone that Rin wasn’t sure he liked._

_He had no room to complain, though. It actually is the best he could’ve hoped for._

_“H-Haru. I’ve been fine, and you?” Rin cursed his stuttering, but he couldn’t really help it. He was nervous, his palms were sweaty and he felt as if there was a lump in his throat that wouldn’t let him speak. At least he didn’t messed up the whole sentence._

_“Fine, thank you for asking.” He turned and looked up at Makoto, who was obviously staring back at him. “Should we go?”_

_Makoto took out his phone and saw the hour. Swiftly putting it back into his jacket pocket, he proceeded to take the shorter male’s hand._

_Haruka’s cheeks turned pink... Rin’s heart hit the floor._

_“Yes, if we don’t leave now, we’ll be late.” Makoto then turned to look at Rin, and offered him an apologetic smile. “I guess… we’ll see you around?” He asked in an unsure tone._

_Rin just nodded numbly, he was hardly keeping himself together and if he spoke he knew he would break down._

_“Well then, Goodbye Rin.” Makoto softly pulled Haruka along with him, and unlike with Rin, he followed the green eyed man without hesitation._

_“Goodbye Rin.” Haruka whispered softly, almost too low for anyone to hear, but Rin heard him. He always would._

_And then, Makoto was gone and so was Haruka._

_Rin stood there for a couple of seconds – or maybe minutes? He didn’t really know -, and when he was sure he wouldn’t run into them again, he left the little coffee shop as fast as he could._

_He ran the two blocks until he got to his apartment at full speed, his sprint unwavering unlike his heart, which was a mess._

_As soon as he was inside his home, not even bothering to take off his shoes, Rin made his way towards the bathroom and into the shower. He didn’t bother with stripping out of his clothes, he just turned on the shower and jumped into the water._

_He let out an audible hiss as the cold water hit him, but he didn’t pay much attention after that. He just started punching the wall in front of him, letting out all of what he had inside._

_He punched it until he split his knuckles and little drops of blood mixed in with the water, tainting the pristine liquid with a shade of pink. He punched until he couldn’t feel anything but the throbbing in his hands. He punched it until he didn’t remember why he was punching it in the first place._

_When the pain was too much to bear, and even the slightest movement made him flinch, he turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub._

_He was dripping wet and his clothes clung to him in awkward places but not even then, did he took his clothes off. Instead he looked at himself in the mirror._

_His eyes weren’t red, as he had expected them to be, instead he found that the look in his face was oddly familiar._

_It was the same look Haruka had had when he had come back for his things more than two years ago. His once ruby red eyes that shone with excitement, were now dull._

_His eyes looked dead, empty…numb._

_So that must have been how Haruka felt. In some corner of his being, Rin was happy that he was able to understand him, but the biggest part of him wished it hadn’t taken this to get even a little glimpse into Haruka’s emotions._

_He quickly looked away from his reflection and made his way towards his room._

_After he had left, Rin had moved, because even if Haruka wasn’t there, he really did want a fresh start. He had gotten little part time jobs and had started studying graphic design at the university._

_He hadn’t gone back to swimming, it reminded him too much of Haruka and what he had done to him._

_Finally reaching his room, Rin let himself drop unceremoniously on top of his bed. He knew he would probably get a cold from falling asleep in his wet clothes and that his knuckles could get infected, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care._

_The only thing he knew for sure before falling asleep was that he wasn’t going to go to that coffee shop again any time soon._

The next day, Rin had woken up to the ruckus Gou had been doing once she had found him. She had filled the tub with warm water and helped him get up and into the bathroom, telling him not to dwell to long in there.

After he had washed himself and changed into clean clothes, she had bandaged his injured hands. Gou didn’t ask any questions and Rin didn’t say anything, but he could see the curiosity and worry written all over her face. Still he hadn’t said a thing to appease her.

 The sound of bells snapped Rin out of his musing, so… it was over.

Rin stood up from where he had been sitting and then quickly hide behind some kind of statue he didn’t pay attention to. All of his senses where focused on the doors of the little church, which were slowly opening.

People started streaming out, some Rin knew and some he didn’t, but even in the little group of people, he was able to recognize Nagisa, Rei, Gou and Mikoshiba.

Nagisa was bouncing up and down like a little kid while he clung to Rei’s arm. Rei was directing the little blond an annoyed looked, but the fondness Rin was able to discern nullified all of his attempts at making Nagisa stop his energetic demeanor.

Rin had to smile a little at the sight of them.

When he saw Gou by the arm of Mikoshiba, he wasn’t all that happy but the fond smile never left his face. He was glad his sister had found love, he always would be.

Then again, if Mikoshiba ever did something to her, well… he just hoped the guy had a good health insurance.

All of the guests had placed themselves at both sides of the little steps in front of the church and at the street that was in front, leaving the space in between free for two people to walk by and into the convertible that was parked outside with a sign of ‘Just Married’, attached to the back.

This was it. This was finally it. Rin held his breath and kept his eyes fixated on the entrance of the church.

And then, he saw them.

The taller one was wearing a black suit, with a white shirt, black tie and black shoes. His sandy-brown hair wasn’t styled any different, except that it seemed he had actually tried to comb it but it hadn’t really make that much of a difference; but his eyes, those forest green eyes that were always gentle and warm every time you looked at them, were overflowing with joy. His smile shone brighter than ever before and it almost looked as if he was radiating light.

Next to him was standing someone shorter, but this person was wearing a deep blue suit with a white shirt, a tie just as dark and black shoes. His night sky hair was actually combed and slightly styled to the side, keeping his longs bangs from falling in his face and much like the other person, he was practically glowing. His azure eyes shone with the light of a thousand stars and his smile, even though it wasn’t as big as the person beside him, showed just how much he was feeling.

They were holding hands and Rin had never seen two people holding hands like that. As if they couldn’t be prouder of having the other’s hand in their own, as if the hand they were holding was their most valuable possession, as if… as if they never wanted to let go.

They were dazzling. They were breathtaking. Haruka and Makoto were simply…

Perfect.

Rin kept on looking as they walked down the little stone steps. Makoto shielding Haruka’s petit form from the shower of rice and they were smiling, and just as Makoto held up his hand to shield his face from the sun, Rin was able to see a flash of light coming from the ring in his hand.

He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Once they reached the convertible, Makoto opened the door for Haruka, but as he was turning around to let him in, he was met with a pair of lips.

They were kissing. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that involved tongue and heated feelings.

It was chaste and light and beautiful and… and so full of love. When they parted they both smiled and Haruka lifted a hand to cup Makoto’s cheek as they stared into each other eyes, foreheads touching, and the silver band that adorned Haruka’s finger was visible as it reflected a stray ray of sunshine.

And even if seeing this was making Rin feel as if he was being torn apart from the inside out, he kept on looking.

Finally letting let go of each other as Nagisa yelled ‘Haru-chan, Mako-chan! You’ll be late for your flight if you don’t hurry up! Leave all of the lovey-dovey act for tonight!’, which of course earned him a smack to the forehead by Rei.

Both Haruka and Makoto turned pink at the comment, but neither of their smiles faltered. After all, they had forever together.

Kissing Haruka’s forehead, Makoto urged him to get in the car, which Haruka gladly did as he saw the taller male rounding the car.

Makoto didn’t bother to open the door and just jumped in. Strong muscles propelling him into the air and making him land gracefully in his seat, meanwhile his laughter could be heard from probably a mile away.

The green-eyed man started the car and just enjoyed the deep and powerful groan it made. Again Nagisa’s snarky remark made Makoto come back to earth.

“Mako-chan, you haven’t even been married for full twenty minutes and you’ve already changed Haru-chan for a car? Bad Mako-chan.” This time it wasn’t a smack to the forehead but some kind of simple and effective position in which Rei managed to hold all of Nagisa’s body still and mouth shut, just by pressing his thumb and middle finger to his neck.

Makoto got flustered and Haruka laughed, a sound that traveled all the way from Rin’s ears until it filled every corner of his being. Makoto just looked at him as if he was the most amazing and beautiful creature on earth and like he couldn’t believe Haruka was actually his.

Rin couldn’t blame him, if it had been him, he probably would’ve had the same love-struck expression as him.

With one last wave towards everyone at the stone steps, Makoto pressed the accelerator and the car started moving away.

And that’s how he saw how the thief ran away with what was _his_ , except Makoto wasn’t a thief, not even close to it, he had just been able to treasure what Rin could not; and Haruka was by no means his, hadn’t been for a long time now. And so he saw them disappear in the distance, happy and in love, without a care in the world but loving each other, with the echo of their combined laughter’s resonating in his ears.

Rin waited until everyone was gone, he didn’t want to risk going out of his hiding place and have someone spot him. He had enough with knowing Gou knew he was there.

And how could she not, if it was her who had told him about the wedding in the first place?

Either way, he didn’t move until the last car had left and even then he waited a full thirty minutes until he dared going out. He started walking back to his apartment and as he walked, the sky turned gray and the clouds hid the sun.

It was as if the heavens had just put up an act for the sake of the little ceremony, blessing the newlyweds so they had a perfect day, and now that everything was over they didn’t have to pretend anymore. Even whatever or whoever was up there knew they were perfect together.

What kind of bullshit was that?

But even from the beginning of this crazy and messed up game, Rin had known the outcome. He had blinded and lied to convince himself otherwise, he had hoped he could be able to change things, to make things turn out the way he wanted them to.

But he hadn’t been able to, he had tried to brush the rules away and impose his own in this little and twisted game called ‘love’, and because nothing good ever came out of cheating, he had lost... Just as he had always known he would.

Rain started pouring and as Rin made his way towards his home in the deserted streets of Tokyo. He thought about no one and everyone at the same time, but specially about how he had learned to talk to a certain blue eyed boy, who had given him the honor of being his partner for a while in life, and to a gentle green eyed friend, who had abide by the rules and even given him the advantage at first.

“Thanks, for letting me play…,” Rin looked up at the sky and let the raindrops slide down his face, mixing with the last tears he swore he would shed because of this. “…But I lose.”

He smiled, but it wasn’t forced or pained, it was just resigned and a little ray of sunlight illuminated his features, making his eyes glow. From his tears? From the raindrops? Rin didn’t know, he just knew it was as if whatever existed up above was giving him strength, courage to finally move on.

 “I am the loser.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last part. I hope you liked it and thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> If you want to still hear from me, please check out my ongoing fic: Masks, Green Eyes & The Taste of Liquor. I would love having you along <3
> 
> Comments make my made and kudos are always appreciated... just so you know ;)
> 
> Well, until next time ^^

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago but I hadn't been able to post it until today, due to some... technical problems. But nontheless, I hope you enjoyed it ^^ Oh and by the way, this fic has nothing to do with my currently ongoing fic, so if you want to check that one out too, I would be overjoyed.
> 
> This will be divided in three parts and I think I will be uploading one part every week or every ten days? Either way, let me know when you want me to upload because this is already finished and just waiting to be published ;)
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment because they give me life and my day gets a little brighter every time I see someone left a comment. Also, kudos are always appreciated <3 
> 
> So, until next time! (PS. As stated in the tags I love Rin, but I just can't seem to write anything that doesn't involve someone suffering... sorry.)


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